song recommendation

FT ISLAND - WIND

why do i have this blog again? huh

i kinda wanna share my thought at first but i guess i am either too introvert without me knowing that or it's just a hassle to write here. guess writing aint really my forte.

anyway, i'd like to share the song above Wind by FT ISLAND. yes, a korean song. they are a band. a nice song. great one actually. turn on cc for english sub. that band never disappoint me. their lyrics and vocals and instruments are just ... damn harmonious. thats the least i cld say. aint a music person. just enjoy it. anyway, go check that out

off my chest

being away from home really makes me feel the void. i am not even that close with my fam.. we are getting better though. i have this huge age gap with my sisters and brother and all of us were sent to boarding school; less time spent with one another. we are getting older and mature now tho so could actually understand one another better. well, more like me to them and vice versa. i used to think that i am pressured to fulfill all the expectations my fam or at least my parents have for me. it was a burden actually, all those expectation but i grew accustomed to them. i mean that's what a child should do right? please they parents? of course i want to live my own life, doing things on my own accord but the problem is, i dont even know what i am good at or what i should be doing in life. i truly am lost. which is why i just decide to follow whatever they planned for me and try my best to make it work so i could be contented by them. these thoughts i am having maybe because i am missing home. it's currently holiday and i would like to be home but my mom didnt really agree with me. she said it was too short of a break and that  should just focus on my thesis. god really.. i just miss her, and dad. everyone.

i am currently doing my practicum as a trainee ESL teacher. i posted my picture at school on fb just to give a lil update to my fam, friends, teachers... never ever it crossed my mind that my sisters would be soooo supportive . i mean they gave words of encouragement, advice and even joked around. yeah maybe our relationship is getting better it is just i am still awkward around them. maybe i should be more accepting and break my wall, let em in.. but it is just difficult. i love them, i know i do.. they are my flesh and blood . it is just we have a little to no interaction so i ended up secluding myself. 

i dont know. i was just ranting here and about.. tryna get this off my chest. i wont say it feels light now, but it's good to write these complicated unknown emotion out. just that.

till then

just an entry

i find myself being irresponsible.. hahah

well i set up this blog in the first place so i could pour whatever there is on my mind. ofc there's a lot going on in my life and the emotions that course through me in my everyday life were just overwhelming but i couldnt bring myself to write those. there are several happenings that made me feel like am going to break down but i tried my best to held all those in. maybe pretending is not the answer but i seriously dont want to dwell in such grief and emotions. i find distracting myself from thinking all those things that could break me is effective enough; well.. to an extend. not thinking and burying all those emotions, feelings and thoughts deep down at least help me to get through the day. maybe to some ppl the things that i found depressing are not as depressing as they would feel but then again, this is me and this is how i feel. writing these down may help me in coping with the reality so yeah~ sooner or later these wounded heart will heal. i have trust in that. 

-till whenever i feel like writing again-

excuse me ?

I've started my part time as a waitress and this particular experience is worth sharing. lol. basically about how people easily downgrade others. /ugh/

well, English is not Malaysia's first language. it's second or for some people third or foreign. so, there's this one girl asking me while browsing the menu

"what's your special here?"

as she asked me in English, ofc i'd reply in English as well. and it's my nature that I speak in a fast pace. after I finished 'promoting what's nice' I look at her and oh boy, her face was totally spot on. puzzled and taken aback I shall say.

".. o-okay.."

that's when I realized she was using her little /sorry not sorry/ English while assuming I do not know the language AT ALL. newsflash girl, I'm an English major. 4th year student at that. /smirk/

just because  I am a waitress doesn't mean I am a school dropout who failed my English and any other subjects. /roll eyes/

goodness' sake!

okay~ so how does one make their first entry? i've deleted my first cuz it looks like a freaking diary wrote by a 10-yr old girl and i dont want that since am already 20-ish. yes, someone sorta convinced me not to have that as my first entry. yes, i do admit you have some sort of power of changing my mind cuz yes, i do agree with you that the first looks effin' LAME-O. well, anyhow fuck first entry hahah. yes hunn, i still love you regardless what u said bout my first entry. i wonder why i still love u tho~ that's kinda interesting... pfftt

p/s: this is for when my feelings just overflow and the need to spill them just heightened. 

/smash head/

it has been long since i blog things and that i've deleted the old one. it was such a pain in the arse making a new one since i basically forgot EVERYTHING! well ofc in the end i managed to get a hold of myself (with A LOT of curses, pulling out hair, smashing head to the wall, groans) and finished setting up this 'dilylcspills'. so yeah~ yeay to me! pfftt