being away from home really makes me feel the void. i am not even that close with my fam.. we are getting better though. i have this huge age gap with my sisters and brother and all of us were sent to boarding school; less time spent with one another. we are getting older and mature now tho so could actually understand one another better. well, more like me to them and vice versa. i used to think that i am pressured to fulfill all the expectations my fam or at least my parents have for me. it was a burden actually, all those expectation but i grew accustomed to them. i mean that's what a child should do right? please they parents? of course i want to live my own life, doing things on my own accord but the problem is, i dont even know what i am good at or what i should be doing in life. i truly am lost. which is why i just decide to follow whatever they planned for me and try my best to make it work so i could be contented by them. these thoughts i am having maybe because i am missing home. it's currently holiday and i would like to be home but my mom didnt really agree with me. she said it was too short of a break and that should just focus on my thesis. god really.. i just miss her, and dad. everyone.
i am currently doing my practicum as a trainee ESL teacher. i posted my picture at school on fb just to give a lil update to my fam, friends, teachers... never ever it crossed my mind that my sisters would be soooo supportive . i mean they gave words of encouragement, advice and even joked around. yeah maybe our relationship is getting better it is just i am still awkward around them. maybe i should be more accepting and break my wall, let em in.. but it is just difficult. i love them, i know i do.. they are my flesh and blood . it is just we have a little to no interaction so i ended up secluding myself.
i dont know. i was just ranting here and about.. tryna get this off my chest. i wont say it feels light now, but it's good to write these complicated unknown emotion out. just that.
till then
